posted by The H.Bomb| 10:46 PM | email | archive

The *OTHER* Hai H. Le...? Did you know that I went to Harvard and am an avid fan of the Orlando Magic? Neither did I...check it out!!

Alex (Hai) Le and his picture farm..
posted by The H.Bomb| 10:26 PM | email | archive

My One-Month Acura RSX Review. First off, i'm not an automotive journalist...nor am I a journalist at all. After having my new car for nearly a month now, I feel inclined to report the pros and cons of having the finest automobile manufactured by human beings.

First of all, I must say the seats are excellent. For those of you who know me in real life, I have a big butt. Those ergonomic engineers from Honda obviously found a cast of my rump and sculped some driving seats in the image of my ass. They hold myself and my gut in place when I'm taking those "20 MPH ONLY" corners at 25 mph.

The cup holders (which doubles as a change tray) are quite possibly the best in the business. I know alot of my readers can agree that the 'cruiser' cups from Taco Bell and even Taco Cabana are sometimes to tall, wide and gangly for modern cup holders. Honda has taken that into consideration and made a pair of cupholders to accommodate them. They also included three more cup holders for you and your friends in the back seat (if you feel that thirsty, I guess).

If I was a serial killer, I'd give the trunk space a big two thumbs up. The cavernous trunk space appears to be cut down from the previous generation Integra, but it is indeed at least it's equal. In this test, I took two trash bags, filled them up with trash and shaped them into the image of two humans. I put them in the back trunk and measured the amount of space they filled. Although there was some seepage where some blood or innards would spill out (in a real life situation), I was satisified with the results.

The back seast now cuts into the rear window area to create more space for rear seat passengers. My test assistant, Wally Champ, said that there is ample room to hide booze in case of a Police stop. That earned high marks in my book.

THE CHICK FACTOR. This car looks so good, I've been asked out on dates approximately 15 times in this last month. Despite that all the dates are from my girlfriend, this car is a major babe magnet.

There are few complaints about the RSX, mainly the Michelins that came with the car, the usage of red for the dash lights and all those professional cheerleaders that block my way when i'm trying to get out of a parking lot. These are all minor complaints.

PROS:

• Nice Seats for my NCE ASS
  
• Cupholders are deep, wide and meaningful.
  
• Good trunk space.
  
• Comes with LOW Miles.
  
• Good looks
  
• Kept it pretty clean so far

CONS:

• Red readouts still getting used to
  
• Stock Audio System
  
• Stock Michelins stink
  
• Good looks more prone to being 'keyed'
  
• Looking for the best spot to not get door dinged, getting annoying
  

posted by The H.Bomb| 12:34 PM | email | archive

Mad about Yao. For those of you not into sports, Yao Ming, the 7'5" Godzilla imported from the Peoples Republic of China made his NBA debut last night. Apparently, Tim Duncan knocked him on his ass, sending Mothra and Gamara off the bench and into the game.
posted by The H.Bomb| 12:21 PM | email | archive

Fantasy Inc. This is a company The General and I came up with a few years ago. Working for chump change wasn't our suit, so we decided to come up with a novel idea to make us buckoo's of bucks (in the 10+ million range, alot in the heyday). The premise was simple:

Genetically manufacture pets, such as The Shetland Unicorn and minitature Dolphins. Other products would eventually be introduced, such as the domecitized baby seal and a drug sniffing griffin.

If any of youze think you might need some fantastical pets, lemme know. I'm putting together a marketing report. Next step is getting the right amount of magic dust and sorcery to make these magical beasts a reality.
posted by The H.Bomb| 3:56 PM | email | archive

Keith Richards unearthed in Cairo, Egypt After a 6-month excavation, Egyptiantologists finally unearth a mummified Keith Richards. CAIRO, EGYPT - Ahmad Surtain, famed Egyptiantologist of The University of Cambridge, has every reason to be excited about his latest excavation. "This perfectly preserved mummy dates back to 3rd Intermediate Period. More than likely, this mummification of Keith Richards could of possibly been alive during the reign of Pharoah Cambyses." Noting the ritualistic pose given to the corpse, Surtain also added, "[his] body seems to be in a state of 'rocking out'. Whomever performed the mummification process obviously gave him a striking 'guitar lick' like pose." "It's generally regarded in the community that Keith Richards most prominent guitar lick came from 'Satisfaction'." Surtain said, "but this is now proven false. We can tell from this leathery cadaver that the ancient Egyptians obviously thought 'Jumping Jack Flash' had a more kick-ass riff." Ahman Surtain and his team hope to find the burial site of Jesse Helms within the next few months.

posted by The H.Bomb| 11:52 PM | email | archive

Taking it easy today. Took the day off from work to chill out and retrospect. I think i'll go pick up a copy of The Cable Guy--the movie i've been putting off buying for nearly three years. I hear E.T. came out today as well. I'll have to force Emily to watch it until she dries up from all the crying. Wha? Some more time on my hands? Heck, i'll make another stab at a championship run at SEGA NFL2K3. I lost to Tampa Bay in the big dance for my 2003-2004 season because my All-Star quarterback, HAI LE #13 was injured on the first play.

Emily has become quite the pimp on that Dance Dance Revolution game. "But, I can't dance anymore Emily, my legs are like Yoplait right now!" "Look bitch, get back on that little dance floor and DANCE!" "Seriously, I feel a bloodclot shimmying it's way up my spine....there's no more boogie in this booty." "Don't make me hit you. You better start shuffling or i'm gonna put this foot in your ass...proper!!"

So I dance.

Oh yes..what a day.
posted by The H.Bomb| 9:48 AM | email | archive

"YOU! GREATEST DANCER! LET'S GO!". Dude, went into Dave and Buster's for Wally/MethodJoe's/The General's employee appreciation party. They invited Emily, Carrozzi-Girl and The Poyfather to come along the festivities. Anyways, they have this dance machine crypically called "PUMP UP THE PREX", alluding to some sort of sexual beast called "THE PREX". The premise of the game is like a Simon Says for your foot loosin' skillz.

A sizable crowd was around the video game (including us), including a kid who looked like Bobby Hill. He looked smug as shit, trying on his dance moves while waiting for the current "dancer" to finish their pathetically low scoring round. Once he get's up there, oh boy, you would have never believed fat could jiggle like that...but it could! Homey was scoring "perfect combos" left and right, ON THE HARDEST LEVEL!! (for the uninitiated, it's like that Drill Sargeant from Full Metal Jacket screaming dance moves at you, it's that fast). After his round was over, he was met with a standing ovation from the drunkest slobs in the joint.

This Sunday, Emily kept on bugging me to go to Best Buy. "For why?" I asked, but she never really said for anything in particular...until I found out her REAL motives. Homegirl goes out and buys the dance pad and Dance Dance Revolution. Yes, dance your little heart away. Heck, I joined in to show off the fleetest feet in all of North Austin.
posted by The H.Bomb| 7:50 PM | email | archive