Yo. We need some urinal cakes up in here. Went into the men's restroom here at work...place looked/smelt like a Bus Station. To add insult to injury, there's only toilet paper to dry my hands with. What's up with this place?

In my own befuddlement, I tucked the back of my shirt into my boxers and didn't notice until the production floor made fun of me. I'm such a loser.

Song of the Day:
1.) Tony Touch feature Blackstar (Mos Def/Talib Kweli).
posted by The H.Bomb| 9:32 AM | email | archive

It's a chicken dancing Elmo. It's funny, because he's chicken dancing. Sure to be the hottest Christmas gift for kids of all ages.

Speaking of popular Christmas gifts, check out the following 'hot list' of gifts people will be wanting this year:

Rave Dance Elmo. Rave Dance Elmo dances to three different jungle, trance and techno tunes (built-in) until the wee hours of the morning. Sporting a flashy dance attire, Rave Dance Elmo comes complete wtih an assortment of glow sticks and (1) one ecstasy pill. With three different dances taken straight from the new Mistubishi Eclipse commericals, Rave Dance Elmo blurs the line of ambigous sexuality and fun.

Red Trash Elmo. Working long hard hours at the saw mill plant makes Red Trash Elmo very tired. After a long day, Red Trash Elmo likes to kick it back with a can of Skoal (removable) and watch some NASCAR on the weekend. Also available is the Red Trash Elmo home playset. The Red Trash Elmo Fun House comes complete with bald tires/car batteries in the front yard and crop of illegally grown marijuana in the back. Sold Seperately.

Authentic San Quentin Federal Prison Shiv. This authentic replica of a makeshift prison shiv is a must have for the man around the house. Forged using a timeless tradition, this prison shiv can be used as a letter opener, lockpick or personal protection. This season's hottest shiv will definately be the Winona Ryder Mr. Cut-Cut Shiv (not available in Ken-Tuck-ee). Each shiv is personally signed by the convicted felon.

Bag of Tamales. A great stocking stuffer. Nothing says yuletide like a heaping bag of hot tamales to warm you up on Christmas morning. Made from the steamed head of a pig, cornhusks and a supernatural ingredient called masa, these delictables make a wonderful gift.

Latino's Guide to New Jersey Travel Brochure. Did you know ther are over 100 Latinos in New Jersey? Did you also know that the New Jersey board of tourism released this fascinating brochure to our Latino friends to enjoy? If your Latino friends or family are readers, this detailed book will surely satisify their appetite for the written word. They will learn that the Latino population of New Jersey was nearly extinct in the 1980's because of the rise of 'white boy rock' (Bon Jovi, et tal.). Nowadays, New Jersey's Latino population has been brought back to it's highest levels in decades (due to the 1980-Jersey-to-Austin Federal Relocation Program). Go out and get this one to your loved Latino today.

posted by The H.Bomb| 9:39 AM | email | archive

Telemarketers. I've had some funny run-ins with these 'telemarketer' folks. To me, they might be up there with Car Salesman as some of the most annoying people on earth. Austin American Statesman's subscription corps. seems to call at least twice a day to sell me their paper. The other night, they called and I the lady that I got the newspaper covered because it's always here at work. "Well, what about the Weekend Editions?" I tell her, if I really needed to find something in the newspaper that I couldn't find on-line, then i'd just go out and buy one. "Well, what if your work doesn't have the paper? or worst, you lose yoru job?" Lady, if I lost my job, the last thing on my mind would be looking for daily HEB ad to see how much tube steak was going for.

Wally, unfortunately, has to get the majority of the telemarketing calls because he's home during the days. He told me the other week that somebody came up looking for a "HAY LAY" (aka me). After instructing her for quite a bit on how to accurately pronounce my name, the telemarketer asked "Ok. Hi Lee. I got it. So is Hi Lee available?". Wally replied, "No he's not." and then hung the phone. hahahahaha aa ha....

I think the worst one I got was a carpet cleaning business left a message on my machine, begging me to hire him. He went as far as to give me a huge sob story that if he doesn't pick up business he might have to lay off two of his 'new' workers. I knew it was a recording because of volume of the playback and that he always referenced to me as 'you' and not by my first name. Assholes.
posted by The H.Bomb| 1:23 PM | email | archive

The Last Waltz. Dames let me borrow his DVD copy of The Last Waltz last night. It's about The Band's farewell concert and it's pretty amazing. One of my two favorite moments was Van Morrison (in a rhinestone leasure suit, muscleman shirt and protruding gut)/The Band performing 'Caravan'. The other was The Band and The Staples performing 'The Weight'. Cool stuff--you should go out and see it right now! (at least for the unforgettable haircuts).
posted by The H.Bomb| 1:09 PM | email | archive

Anybody else getting excited about the new Pearl Jam album, Riot Act? I am, and I don't get excited much..except for that one time the Cookie Factory at Barton Creek Mall had Double Doozy Fudge Choclate Chip cookies for a dollar fifty. It also included a soda. Anyways, I heard some tracks from it and it looks to be fairly rockin'. I've bought a copy of every P.J. album (even 2000's off kilter Binaural album) and can't wait for this one.

Song of the Day:
1.) Pearl Jam - Thumbing my way.
posted by The H.Bomb| 9:33 AM | email | archive

Sony Ericsson Unveils Retro-Cool Handset Mon Nov 4, 1:21 PM ET Global mobile phone leader Sony Ericsson has unveiled a retro-cool handset that will "appeal to younger consumers", according to a company spokesman. According to U.S.-based company spokesperson Keith Nowak, Sony Ericsson has targeted the emerging youth market and hopes to claim at least 20-25% of it. "Young adults are always looking for cutting edge technology as well as good cosmetic appearances of their products." Nowak said, "The new Ericsson T1001 not only has a retro appearance that is all the rage, but sports the latest in GSM Mobile Phone Services." Weighing nearly a 1/4 lbs., the T1001 also has other practical uses. "The T1001 doubles as a calculator, a wireless connection for your laptop and can be used as a door stopper." Nowak explained. "We did a substantial amount of homework in finding out what Young Adults expected from their Mobile Phone and we believe we hit the mark." The T1001 is available in two trims, the base T1001-A and the top of the line T1001-B. The T1001-B comes with Bluetooth connectivity, color screen and a carrying suitcase.

posted by The H.Bomb| 3:25 PM | email | archive